The Christmas Takahina

Well, firstly of all post season greetings to everyone. Fuck it, Christmas has already ended by the time I write this. Now is what they call boxing day. What do you do on this day, Box everyone till they all become Pandaren. After that, Pandas in China won't be endangered, bamboo shoots will be. Why even care about those critters anyway?

Anyway, christmas is imo, just a festival for commercialized activity to take place, as simple as that. So in other words, the economy for any country and the mood for any businessman will be very good, thanks to this christmas. I'm not saying that it's bad though. People gather and meet on this day, talk crap and all. If the mood gets good then 2 person of the opposite sex may meet up and go to Hotel 81, once again another commercialized activity has been conducted and all are happy.

So, naturally Takahina has his own activities done. So let's go back to 24th Dec.

24th Dec:

Woke up and groaned about the lack of money in my bank account. To solve that problem, do more housework. Thus so I was unusually quick in my houseworking on that day. Then my mother asked me.

"You think you want to make Ba Zhang for the christmas party tomorrow?"

"It's not Duan Wu Festival. But if you want to I don't mind."

"Forget it, no time to wash the leaves of it le."

You can never know the mind of my mother. She asks strange questions like.

Mom to bread seller: "Hey, this one delicious or not?"

Bread Seller: "YA! Confirmed Delicious one!"

Anyway, soon after I went over to meet Rurouni at 1.30pm at MRT. Apparantly someone had transmit the wRONG time and in the end I had to wait bout 25mins for all of them to arrive except for the person who gave the wRONG time. Anyway, our activity is Kboxing.

And expected, the whole place is full of girls in mini-skirts. Yippee!! So we went on singing from 2pm-7pm. And throughout, Rong was always there to wreck my song. YiPPEE!! Also, I realised Onishinobi's singing style is really unique, the way he sing is like those dual singing, it's like 1 sings the original key while the other goes for another tone of key. Such singing skills are harder to grasp. One example is the "Shan Hu Hai" by Lara from South Fist Mother and a brand of dog food named Jay. Notice at different times, Lara sings at a different key or tone from Jay. That is the so called dual singing.

Soon after, we decide to go for Korean Garden. But we checked the price, fucking expensive by $3. This detered us. Then soon enough, I gradually realised my hatred for western food. Expensive and unfilling. So we retreated back to Korean Garden since all other restaurants are either more ex or full. We waited for around 30mins before deciding again.

"Let's go somewhere else eat. This is fucked up."

"Indeed, we are hungry."

So, we went to a place we never thought will go.

Genki Sushi.

In the end, for around $3 lesser than Korean Garden, we had our fill and fun. Watching ben puking is always a pleasant sight. So, now they go to my house. For some reason, it's always my house to be the final destination.

Then I realised that my mother had prepared another gift for me and that I received a christmas card. Was very happy that she had the heart to send me. Proves at least she hasn't forgotten me.

And so, Rurouni began playing 2 games.

1. Heroes of Might and Magic 3: Complete
2. Pokemon Cards

Yea, pokemon cards. Interesting ne? An interesting sight to see is that Rurouni is changing from being addicted to Dota to being addicted to Heroes of Might and Magic 3. At least the latter is so much fucking cheaper than Dota, 1 is at least $10 for 5 heroes of DOTA, the other is FREE!! And expectedly, between players, it's always the HAN's who wins. Chin Han and Woon Han. Ben and Rong being upset at their lost, went to chiong more heroes while the rest of us either slept or played pokemon cards.

This event lasted the whole night. Personally, i slept at 6am, woke up at 8am to send them, slept till 12pm again. Interesting day.

25th Dec:

Yea, christmas, blah blah blah. But the one thing which seriously surprised me is the short chat on MSN i had with Karen. Was shocked. I shall not say why.

Then also, Rong left his key with me at home. I wonder how he smuggle back home. Then I had a few hours of slacking. Oh, Rurouni, my mother also bought all of ur breakfast, but you guys are already gone, so... ^^;

Next, the family went to Ah Ma's house for the Christmas Party. Somehow, I don't seem to feel integrated enough there compared to Grandma's house (Father's side). And at there, I had my second turkey of my life. Also, didn't talk to Kathryn. Don't know why. Maybe she is too tall tts why.

Also, Father gave me a Hong Bao... credited to me anyway. Looks like the theory that Chin Han provided; "The Only Difference Between Santa and God of Fortune is their hair colour." managed to persuade my father. And also, this is one of the few rare occasion I actually Sa Jiao to my father for $. I feel like I am more suited to be a girl... Shit.

And now, I'm writing this. fuck Christmas anyway. Because...

1. Christmas proves the ending of your holidays.
2. Overrated.
3. There is no such thing as a sexy Santa costume being worn in reality like those you see in the Carlsberg Beer Commercial.... or is it Heinnken? Ah Fuck lah.

I feel hurt.

I feel hurt now.

After the wake of Miss Lee's.

Even though I went out with Tian Wei, had a silly time.

But still, the hurt lingers.

I'm not acting myself now.

I don't know what happened.

Her funeral's tomorrow.

I don't feel like going.

I don't wanna cry again.

Everytime I cry, I don't want to let people know.

But deep down, my heart craves for people's console.

I just want someone to be there for me.

But even if they are there, I can't make myself say out my pain.

I want to go tomorrow, because I don't want to have any regrets to my favourite teacher.

But, I don't want to go, because I can't stand the feeling of crying.

Crying to yourself, alone.

Reluctant to let people know your own pain.

When I went to my auntie's funeral, it's the same.

I cry, but I force myself not to.

My body was shaking tremondously, tears just flow out.

But I force myself, not to make noise.

"Not to cry, stop myself."

The situation is the same for today, and tomorrow will be similiar.

I hate that situation.

When I got to know more of myself and my emotions, I truly cried for only 6 times.

I cried once in Secondary School, I cried twice at home, I cried once after visiting my hospitalized Grandpa. I cried 2 weeks before when I saw Miss Lee and today during the wake upon seeing Miss Lee's gorgeous face.

All these 6 times, people may know, but nobody saw.

In the end, all I want is someone to be there for me, I want to openly cry out in front of someone.

With the choked up voice, the staggering voice.

I used to think I'm strong, I can handle my own emotions and problems.

But now, I really need someone...

Someone whom I can cry out to.

Throughout my life, I have never truly express my own troubles.

I keep all the sadness inside me, even though it may be insignificant compared to perhaps starving or war.

But still, I don't express it.

I only listen to other people's problem.

Then now I realised, it's not that nobody is willing to hear me, but I can't speak it.

I look at myself in the mirror.

The once plump and inconfident face, is now active and confident enough to face people.

Thanks to Miss Lee.

But now, this face has fallen to the state of emotionless, dry lips, slightly reddish eyes.

I can't sleep at night.

My heart aches continuously.

My mind is constantly pondering over many things.

Love, Relationship, Life, Death, Purpose.

The silent peaceful night has now turned to dreadful sorrowful night.

Am I being immature writing such things?

Am I being immature for thinking that my problems are significant compared to the world?

I don't know.

All I know is, I don't want to go, but I don't want to have regrets.

What should I do?

Only 7 hours left...

Don't force me to hate myself.

Death of a loved one

Miss Lee passed away on the Monday, 12th December 2005.

Someone called me from the hospital, informing me and all of her students of the news. I heard crying sounds from the phone, and that caller is in tears as well.

Called Peiling, whom is a student of Miss Lee's. She knows of it as well. My brother was contacted through sms, but I'm sure that the students will contact him as well.

Strangely, all Peiling and I felt, is just a sense of helplessness and emotionless. We don't feel terribly sad, even though we know we're supposed to, but the feeling is just not there.

Why?

The other time I felt this was when I heard of the news of my auntie, whom passed away in the hospital, due to cancer as well. I obtained the news at 5.30 am, 30mins before I was to wake up and head for my primary school.

During that time, I don't feel much as well. Unknowingly, I can't feel sadness. This time is the same.

Peiling asked me why? Frankly, I can't answer it myself. I don't know how to answer. I can only say, "Maybe it's too sudden? Maybe we can't feel the sadness looming."

I'm glad I went to visit her on Saturday, and then informed Peiling to visit her on that day as well. I really was glad.

I don't know why, but I can't feel anything now. Nothing. I don't feel like listening to music, I don't feel like doing anything now. I don't even feel like talking it out to anyone. But I know I must express out my bewilderment and confusion now. Regardlessly.

Even though I'm not Christian, but may God embrace her with his light. May Miss Lee rest in peace in heaven.




Won't blog for the next week.

The "Holidaying" Takahina

For those who do not know, JC students are having holidays for almost a month now and there's just 3 weeks of it left.

Due to me lacking of the mood and the mind of writing any sensible shit after playing Heroes of Might and Magic 3:Complete with Chin Han and Junrong from 1am to 6.30am, I shall just write a wasted post of what Takahina normally does in holidays.

Ok, you people should have noticed of the "Currently playing..." and "Currently seeking..." shit that is impaled onto the left frame of the website, let me just explain the use of those 2 later.

Ok, during holiday time, my schedule is very simple. I call it the "Law of Free Days."

1. Complete 1 course of homework, then you're allowed of 1 hour of doing the "Law of Activity" task.

2. There will be resting time residing from when I sleep up to 1pm. So to say I never sleep more than 1pm unlike Samuel who loves to waste his life sleeping till 4pm. Another resting time will be from 5pm to 9pm. Then after 2am I'm free to do what I want. So to say, I don't sleep before 2am.

3. During resting time, you can do whatever you want. Just make sure you don't die.

4. If there are events on that day, like saying watching a movie at 3pm. Then I won't do homework until the next homework time. However, if the event starts on a resting time, then before the event happens I'll do homework. The event will then change to be a resting time.

Ok, that is mainly the schedule in a holiday. But then how do I judge which "Currently playing/watching..." thingy to do? That goes into another law of mine, named the "Law of Activities." It moves in a cycle, so you people should get the driff.

1. Role Playing Game, a.k.a RPG. Etc: Final Fantasy X-2. Only 1 ending for it. So for RPGs with multiple endings that require conditions from the start of the game like Suikoden 3, I'll play for it's other endings after a cycle. However if the ending is able to get acquired at fairly late stage of the game, then it's no problem to get the ending all at once.

2. Fighting Game. Etc: Guilty Gear XX. Only 1 full ending for a character per play. So like in Guilty Gear XX there is story mode and arcade mode. I'll need to complete both arcade mode and story mode to consider the game passed.

3. Watch Anime. Etc: Rurouni Kenshin. Simple, just finish watching the whole thing. This involves all the OVAs and movies involved. If watching anime which has not finished production, priority will be placed on watching that anime, overriding any other activies.

4. Action RPG. Etc: Shinobi. 1 ending for each play. Game play style similar to RPGs. Just that it's a different genre of game.

5. Computer Games. Etc: Heroes of Might and Magic 3: Complete. Once again, similiar rules applies from RPG. However, for Computer Games you can use cheat codes. But not recommended. Don't ask me why, I just like it. For games like "The Sims" whereby there is no ending to it, play it for at least 30 hours. I'll keep note of the time.

6. Bishoujo Games. Etc: Pick me Honey! I know I know, don't use that fucked up eyes to stare at me. Bishoujo Games does have their playability. Just think of it as... a RPG with porn in it. Yeah, nice stuff. So, the same rules applies from RPG. Just that you need to be physically fit and mentally sensible to play it. Not recommended for most people.

So, that's how the cycle moves. Normally I won't switch to other games because I wanna discipline myself in playing that game, no matter how kan na sai it is. However I'll include in side games and they can only be strategy games such as "Romance of the 3 Kingdoms." That's why for those people who frequently sees my rack of games, they are stacked accordingly if you notice.

Hmmm, then for my "Currently seeking..." list. It's termed under the "Law of purchase".

I'll first create a list of things which I would wanna buy, respectively:

Manga
Anime
Books/Novels
Misc items such as Drumsticks or DVD stand or DVD casing
Poster
Games
CDs
Anime Pokercards

Manga needs no elaboration.
Anime needs no elaboration.
Books/Novels include guidebooks and such.
Posters needs no elaboration. But my room is running of all walls.
Games include PC games and Pirated PS2 games. Don't worry, I'll make the piracy look genuine.
CDs needs no elaboration.
Anime pokercards are mostly bought from Comics Connection.

Hmmm, don't really think got any more to say.

I'll just sleep. Thanks to the 5 hours of night gaming.

The performing and painful Takahina

Hmmm... how do I start off with this... I'm in a little bewildered mood right now.

Anyway, let me start with the main event i've been having for this whole week and that is on the performance in Soka's youth festival.

It began on a fateful day when Priscilla; member of Soka, contacted me and asked if i would like to perform. Seeing that i have nothing to do and that since there is chance for me to perform, why not? Some of you may now start thinking, it's Soka, why do I hav to take part? Well, for the performance, even if you're not a member, you can go for it. So everyone get this clear, Takahina still chant Nanmu Amitabha, not Ningmou Aring Gay Giaur. Don't ask me how to spell that, it's in a type of gibberish which I can't understand.

Thus so, I went for the rehearsal. I was rather surprised to hear that it's Stomp, which is something related to drumming lah. Thus so, with a little more flicking of my hands and you could perhaps say a little showing off from me, the instructor decided to let me create out my make-shift drumset made of fire extinguishers, water buckets and any other shit we can find. Thus so, it's like now I'm going to have my own solo part. Something I didn't expect initially.

After that, I realise there is gonna be another performance, which is something like a mass dance. Wasn't really interested in it, but since I have DDR training, it shouldn't be a problem.

After training for like a whole week (Don't wanna talk about the details), on this 3rd Dec sat was the performance date. There was 2 performances going on and thus so includes 2 Stomp and 2 Mass Dance. I was ok with Stomp, after all, it can't do without my solo.... :x However the mass dance was a little crazy, all the kids and all acted like little idiots and mad asses, it was crazy. And I don't really like their enthusiatic attitude, but I guess it's needed for such mass dance thingy. Whatever.

During the training, there was 1 thing I realised and that is even the main instructor went out of timing at times. Instantly, I don't know what to say, but since if the timing and counting is distorted from the mainframe of any drumming theory, I can only follow it. Effect was good, thanks to the training I got from Drum Mania (Arcade game), thus I can like create all warped up sounds and rhythms i got from the arcade game. Looks like it's not as impractical as I expected after all.

And the best thing is that for the drum solo part, it requires 16 bars of 4, and that is exactly the timing for the beginning of Tamayura, a song in the Drum Mania which I'm rather good at. Plus the mood was exactly perfect for the performance, I used that. I dragged Benjamin, Rong and even Priscilla to train Tamayura in the arcade. Many thanks to the Century Square arcade for accomodating the drum mania machine even if it sucks. Plus, your DDR machine and Capcom VS SNK both ate my $1, don't think I forgot about it.

Anyway, I set up the stage and all and thus was ready to go. As I step in, I went into like...

WTF

At first, I expected to hav a section of my instruments on the stage area, perhaps background. But! They actually made an extra stage just for mine! I was really flattered... too flattered you could say. I never expected my part to be this significant.

When it started, it was ok, but I have 1 problem. My buckets keep on falling off stage. I was worried and I have to constantly hold the pills. But think, how can i drum properly with just 1 hand?? Thus so, the first performance, in my opinion, was just a 6/10. At least the solo Tamayura part was good.

Soon after, that was a short break till the mass dance thingy, thus so I waited around. It was then I received a message.

"Miss Lee is in critical condition. Please see her ASAP."

I was shocked. Very shocked. Miss Lee has been my tuition teacher from Primary 3 to Sec 4 and you could say without her, there won't be the present Takahina.

Now I was getting jittery. I have one more performance and the soon to come mass dance. I was in a totally no mood to perform now. Especially the super enthus mass dance, really not my stuff. But still, I have to last on. At least finish the final Stomp performance. The mass dance can be easily short of 1 person no problem.

So I lasted on. Performed Mass Dance. Forced myself to smile and laugh all, but still i'm not in a good mood. Instead I got more and more irritated at myself and the whole mood. After it, all i'm left is just a full strength drumming. I already applied leave for the second mass dance.

And thus so, it begans. With the spotlight on me, I used my 100% strength. Probably due to the news of my tuition teacher, rage or pain just fills my hands with strength.... Too comic le.

Anyway, the second stomp was good. No pills went berserk and rhythm is ok. Saw Jonathan by the way. And I destroyed a lot of pills on that day. Throughout the week, I devastated a total of 4 middle sized buckets, 2 small sized buckets and 2 big sized buckets. I love Tamayura.

Soon after I went, met up with parents and went for SGH.

Miss Lee was frail and thin... too thin. In the past she was plump and had a good voice and hearty appearance. But now, she looks so... fragile. I can't imagine it. I almost couldn't recognize her after just few months!

She talked to me in a very pale soft voice, a complete contrast to her previously vibrant voice. She was talking so softly that just her appearance and voiced had me totally stunned. Soon after she still asked my studies and many others... it was like, she was trying to say out all her pent up words that she had not told me for a very long time. And indeed, i felt her concern and also her hopes. It was just, heart-aching... totally unbearable. Seeing her in this way is too painful. Due to the cringes of disease, she was now the complete opposite of what I know about her a year ago.

When she talked to me, it was as if she was trying to tell me all her words, it was like... her last words. I couldn't bear it and cried.

From what I know, Miss Lee had her death wills done and was baptised recently due to the influence and the helped offered by the christian committee. She also wanted to see all of the students she taught, even those who were now successful and reputable personnel in their field of profession. And indeed, students from all over came. Hong Kong, Australia and many more.

Now, I didn't really think too much into god or any buddha or even the recent Soka religion. But now, I really hope... really, that she can recover.

Thanks to Priscilla for comforting me and letting me have an enjoyable time at Soka.
Thanks to Miss Lee's students for informing me of the news.
Sorry to Mei Yi and few others for not being able to attend the second Mass Dance.
Sorry to Miss Lee for not frequently seeing you more often.