I feel hurt.

I feel hurt now.

After the wake of Miss Lee's.

Even though I went out with Tian Wei, had a silly time.

But still, the hurt lingers.

I'm not acting myself now.

I don't know what happened.

Her funeral's tomorrow.

I don't feel like going.

I don't wanna cry again.

Everytime I cry, I don't want to let people know.

But deep down, my heart craves for people's console.

I just want someone to be there for me.

But even if they are there, I can't make myself say out my pain.

I want to go tomorrow, because I don't want to have any regrets to my favourite teacher.

But, I don't want to go, because I can't stand the feeling of crying.

Crying to yourself, alone.

Reluctant to let people know your own pain.

When I went to my auntie's funeral, it's the same.

I cry, but I force myself not to.

My body was shaking tremondously, tears just flow out.

But I force myself, not to make noise.

"Not to cry, stop myself."

The situation is the same for today, and tomorrow will be similiar.

I hate that situation.

When I got to know more of myself and my emotions, I truly cried for only 6 times.

I cried once in Secondary School, I cried twice at home, I cried once after visiting my hospitalized Grandpa. I cried 2 weeks before when I saw Miss Lee and today during the wake upon seeing Miss Lee's gorgeous face.

All these 6 times, people may know, but nobody saw.

In the end, all I want is someone to be there for me, I want to openly cry out in front of someone.

With the choked up voice, the staggering voice.

I used to think I'm strong, I can handle my own emotions and problems.

But now, I really need someone...

Someone whom I can cry out to.

Throughout my life, I have never truly express my own troubles.

I keep all the sadness inside me, even though it may be insignificant compared to perhaps starving or war.

But still, I don't express it.

I only listen to other people's problem.

Then now I realised, it's not that nobody is willing to hear me, but I can't speak it.

I look at myself in the mirror.

The once plump and inconfident face, is now active and confident enough to face people.

Thanks to Miss Lee.

But now, this face has fallen to the state of emotionless, dry lips, slightly reddish eyes.

I can't sleep at night.

My heart aches continuously.

My mind is constantly pondering over many things.

Love, Relationship, Life, Death, Purpose.

The silent peaceful night has now turned to dreadful sorrowful night.

Am I being immature writing such things?

Am I being immature for thinking that my problems are significant compared to the world?

I don't know.

All I know is, I don't want to go, but I don't want to have regrets.

What should I do?

Only 7 hours left...

Don't force me to hate myself.