The Dreaming Takahina

Suberidai - Tokyo Jihen



Kuki - Tokyo Jihen



Tsumi to Batsu - Tokyo Jihen



Marunouchi Sadistic - Tokyo Jihen



Gunjyo Biyori - Tokyo Jihen



Kuro Neko Do - Tokyo Jihen



Kabuki/OSCA - Tokyo Jihen



Killer Tune - Tokyo Jihen

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Notice, all of them are live. All of them are from Tokyo Jihen.

For these past few weeks while I'm waiting for my uni applications and many other personal stuff, I've been going through a very messy emotional period of my life. NTU rejected me, NUS rejected me, and I predict many many other rejections coming along my way. I start to ponder exactly what to do after NS, what to do to complete this sense of emptiness in my life. I can't exactly drink and smoke my way out can I? I'm broke and in debt as well which is quite bad.

Even though I already thought out of a future for myself in the past, that is to become financially free and carry on from there doing stuff which I want like music and pursuing my Japanese Interest. It's easy to say "financially free", but the amount of work, desire, initiative and skills needed in doing it is not exactly within my current means now. Meaning to say, I'm lost.

It's like I have a path. I have a path which I want to go and I'm willing to eat all the shit needed to go through it. But I can't find the path. Imagine me now in a clear patch of grass field in the middle of a great big jungle. 1 path brings me out, but I can't find that path. There's no path at all. I need to clear a path, but I don't exactly have like a Parang Dao with me. All I have is like the neccesary needs which I have that can let me stay and survive within that grass patch. But going nowhere. Some Butopura appear and I may die from it.

Yesterday I used the I-net in my camp while I'm COS and spent like the whole fucking night watching Tokyo Jihen live and eventually getting touched and almost cried watching Ringo singing Killer Tune (check it out from the youtube video).

My EvE band is standing still with the originals we're doing. I can't exactly say I'm fully satisfied with my own performance in the band, I feel I can do much more but it's like I'm powerless at times or I just don't know how to complete that feeling I want. Jamming is becoming stressful... not really something I expected or want. After all I'm still quite a rookie drummer always constantly trying to improve myself but I don't know how to. Ask me to mix in a good 4 bar fill solo, I will cock up. I keep on watching the Tokyo Jihen's live and many other really good band's live, not some normal drummer live like the many many chinese bands around just playing the standard grooves but implementing special stuff in, really showing skill. How I hope to achieve that type of standard.

Shuqin called and somehow I obliging picked up her call possibly due to being lonely. We chatted for a while.

Its like all of a sudden it just dawned upon me after the chat and the Tokyo Jihen mini concert.

What I had wanted, what I hadn't wanted. It's all but just a dream.

I'm not stuck in that grass patch. In fact, there are paths everywhere, just that the tall lalang grass blocked everypath. They need not be cleared, but just waiting for you to crossover.

My path is still there, but I let the unneccesary illusions formed from the lalang grass block out the so many paths which is available for me to cross.

I want to hold a big big concert, a touching one like what Tokyo Jihen did, play fucking good music and be touched from everything that is happening while being involved in it.

I want to do it with no freaking concern or worry for money or views from anyone. I'm a rebellious person in my own way and I will do things my way, regardless of whoever is thinking whatsoever. Who cares about NTU, NUS or NS for that matter.

A degree is a cheap piece of paper overholding people to their dreams. This is despise. Yes it's society, and I despise it. I despise society for creating morals yet destroying it themselves and leaving it to people like me who still have a sense of moral in it to uphold it and in the end being seen as a fucking outcast weirdo. But sorry, I prefer to be called eccentric and I'll fucking bomb the whole world 1 day.

Yes I'll get the fucking cheebye degree, I'll do a subject which I still have interest in, economics. SIM or Newcastle or Australia, whatever. I'll do it half work half study. My parents and relatives say I can't do it and it's too tiring. I'll show them I can. And at the same time I'll be restarting my drum lessons, bands, driving lessons, whatever. For all you know I can even teach Econs at the same time. My cousin Ah Moi asked me econs guidance for her upcoming test. Don't know whether I can make it, but I'll try my best.

"Work and Study till you're dead or die fulfilling your passion."

I'll become big someday.