Yes, I knew that money would be burned, AND YET I DID IT WILLINGLY.
YES I FUCKING BURNED MONEY WILLINGLY AND WHOLE-HEARTEDLY!!!!~~~
So, now it's not the matter of how you complain bout why you spent the money whatsoever, because I already knew why I burned it, and I know well enough how I was willing to do so.
The matter at hand now, is how to survive, with that little bits of $$ you had left, a.k.a, The Aftermath of a Curse of the Gong Tao.
The curse of the Gong Tao, you will scream like him after you had it.
You spent your $, now you have to survive for a month with very limited $, in otherwords you'll become like the Singapore Government, always looking for budget to the extent they had to encourage police to find people for Jay-walking.
I don't walk, because it's illegal for Jay to walk. I drive. I Initial Drive.
So Takahina, is gonna teach you, some of my own methods to save $.
1: Meals
Everyone has gotta eat, so this will be your main priority to survive. Therefore, this will be tips to curve your meals.
You, don't ever anyhow eat. All your eating habits has gotta change to the very means of desperateness. Let's say you're a normal student or worker like Takahina, you depend on your parents.
Firstly, Breakfast should go together with lunch to become brunch, hence you save up on 1 meal in total. So, how do you manage to get pass the morning? Well, you just wake up late. Normally what I do is I sleep late, so I wake up late around just in time to prepare to go to school. Therefore most of the time I have already got passed the breakfast time and enter the stages of lunch. But wait, I haven't eat breakfast!! So how? Have a heavy lunch aka Brunch.
Secondly, you got to know the concepts of your house's kopitiam, or any other walkable distance kopitiam. If your house has no walkable kopitiam nearby, too bad you're screwed. Why kopitiam? Simple, it's the cheapest shit you can find out there in the streets of Singapore. You don't find $2.50 fishball noodles or chicken rice at eaterys anywhere near a MRT, EXCEPT KOPITIAM.
Den also, DON'T EVER GET CONNED into thinking the foodcourt named "Kopitiam" is a kopitiam, it's just a scheming foodcourt DISGUISING ITSELF to make you stupid things out there think...
"Hi I'm a Kopitiam"
So what do you do even if you know the price of the food in the kopitiam? Well, you go for the one that gives the most value and can make you the fullest. Let's say there is a fishball noodles store at the kopitiam nearest to you and a breakfast kway teow/bee hoon store at another kopitiam in walkable distance:
Fishball Noodle is $2.80, plus noodles $3.30. Very delicious and you have eaten that for years. However, $2.80 isn't very fulling, so you always order $3.30.
Bee Hoon Mee + 1 Egg + 1 Fish Cake is $1.60. Plus more bee hoon is $1.80. Average taste and you only occasionally eat it. $1.60 is satisfyingly, while adding more bee hoon/mee is exorbitantly full.
Which do you order for brunch? Fishball Noodles $2.80 or $3.30? Bee Hoon Mee $1.60 or $1.80.
You order the EXORBITANTLY FULL Bee Hoon Mee. WHY??!?!?!
Fishball noodles, no doubt delicious, $2.80 is slightly too expensive for you now and not fulling. $3.30 is filling, but way over budget and our purpose.
Bee Hoon Mee at $1.60 although is already filling, BUTTTT, you have to survive through the whole afternoon and even a bit of night, so in otherwords, YOU GOTTA MAKE YOURSELF LOOK AT FOOD, AND HATE IT.
"OMG I HATE YOU!!!"
That is the freaking cruel mentality you have gotta get yourself into. Only with such hate, can you survive the whole noon till dinner time, the grabby paws of food to make you spend more $$. In fact, when your friends ask you wanna go have lunch, you'll VOMIT in front of them upon thinking of food.
So you understand the pricing of your kopitiams, to know which is the best choice to go for, extremely unhealthy, but no choice you're at a post war period where money is king.
Thirdly, regardless of what I wrote above, it's not everyday you can find something relatively cheap yet filling, so what do you do? You wash it down with tidbits you can find in your house, have those leftover tidbits that you bought, but didn't eat, well now it's time. Dig your fridge for anythings left and eat them. If not you wash down your stomach with TONS OF WATER. Just drink water like nothing. You will feel bloated, once the food particles in your stomach expand together with the water.
Fourth, you rely upon your parents for every meal available. Be like Takahina and pray that your parents/guardians will be kind-hearted and already packet brunch for you. If they already done that, forget about the above few tips. This 4th advice, is enough to overtake them, cause IT'S FREE!!
Breakfast, packet from parents.
Lunch, eat with parents and they pay for it.
Dinner, parents cooked it.
Huat, this is the optimum situation for your current objective.
Then lastly, if your parents didn't manage to packet anything for you and you're seriously sick of eating the same cheap shit everyday, the next best thing you do is to listen to Uncle Chong's advice.
Uncle Chong's Instant Mee. The next best thing in the world of food. ;)
2 packets of this = irritatingly full and it's free. Just ignore the whole MSG making your hair drop concept, eating this everyday for a month won't let that happen. Furthermore, there is alternatives if you're sick of Char Mee... there is still Mee Pok!
Uncle Chong's Mee Pok. The best just got better. ;)
Lastly for meals wise, water and anything else free to drink or treated to is your bestest best friend. If you're thirsty and wanna drink something, well go to the nearest water cooler or worst, public toilet's sink and DRINK FROM IT!!! You have no other choice...
2. Smoking
Well, if you're not a smoker, you can skip on to the next tip. Simple enough there's only 1 tip, don't buy cigarettes that you normally buy now like Malboro or Dunhill and use the HAND BRAND.
Hand Brand simply equals to everyone's else smoke but NOT YOURS.
Simple excuses to use are like,
"Eh, sorry I forgot to buy."
"Eh, paiseh I left it at home."
"Eh, paiseh I haven't buy yet."
In otherwords, just be an asshole in the smoking world. Better still, don't smoke until your next income comes in.
3. Entertainment
Simply put, your house is the most enjoyable thing in the world for you right now. Because it's fucking free.
Sit at home, watch tv and be a couch potato like what I was labeled lately by Sam, play games on the internet and try to conquer a free MMORPG. Normally when you're faced with a situation like this, being an Otaku is the best way to pass your life. If you're an anime otaku, download and watch anime the whole day! If you're a gaming otaku, GET ALL YOUR GAMES COMPLETED... if all already completed then COMPLETE THEM ONE MORE TIME! etc etc.
So if you're kinda the worse lot of Otakus, the porn/hentai type, watch hentai and porn whole day and wank off every day until your next income comes. You will define the word zombie.
This is what happens when you wank every hour everyday.
The outside world, is now a very dangerous and delicate world for you now since it's full of traps to make you spend $. The only time you should go out is to work, and to study, and do things you have already committed to. Easy as that. Any other events should be cut out, and i mean even those whereby they agree to treat. Why? Because traveling to the treat will be spending money on transport too.
So just be an Otaku.
Friends call you, "Yo dude WAZZZZAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP~~~~~~~!!"
Otaku, "Just porning... and wanking...."
Friends, "OMG you disgusting bastard."
4. Transport
Rule number 1, TAXI IS A DEFINITE NO NO. Unless you're like late for something damn important maybe like an exam or test. DON'T EVER TAKE THE FREAKING TAXI!! During this point of time, taxis are your worst nightmare.
I'm a Hyundai Sonata blue taxi... and I'm your worse nightmare.
Rule number 2, walk/cycle whenever you can. Bus, MRT, whatsoever at this point of time, are dangerous, cause they suck your blood out slowly and unknowingly. If you are not in a rush of time, you can walk from Bugis to Dhoby Ghout, City Hall to Orchard, Dover MRT to SIM :/ Screw SMRT and SBS, they're NOT gonna earn your money during this period of war.
Of course, no one is asking you to walk from Tampines to Malaysia, even though THAT can be done. Be logical man, logical.
One more dangerous thing you can try though, is tailgate. For MRT entrance, you just gotta follow closely enough to a friend and get pass the barrier together with him/her. Voila free ride for you. However you need to make sure you both drop together at the same stop. And also face the risk of getting executed for petty crimes in Singapore.
How about Bus? Well, you just look for the bus that gets the MOST CROWDED. And you MUST enter last. With the bus being as crowded as a can of sardines, you will be stuck at the entrance of the bus, without being able to get pass the "Beep" station, whereby you need to pay for the bus ride. Then if the bus stops getting that crowded, the crowd will start to move in, you just pretend to move with the crowd and beep, make sure you ezlink is not in your wallet. The bus captain will be too occupied to see who paid, who didn't. Viola free ride. Only works for crowded bus, so must be street smart. ;x
Rule number 3, if you can drive, make sure you don't get conned into topping up oil for the car. When you enter the car, make sure you see that it's at least more than 1/4 if you wanna travel from East to West and back again. Should be able to cover at least that much. You DIE DIE, cannot, ABSOLUTELY CANNOT top up fuel for your family car, cause that is suicide in war. It's like seeing a mine and stepping on it happily and purposefully.
Also you don't rift the car, that is to save fuel. Let the car GOUUUUUU as much as possible. Auto-cars have no engine break so they can gou better. Just don't hog the traffic can le.
5. Needed stuff like equipments
Let's say my drumsticks broke, and i FUCKING NEED IT, I HAVE JAMMING TOMORROW! How?
You fucking borrow, from every mother's son or father's daughter you can find. And make sure borrowing it doesn't require you to pay for it.
No more pen ink? Borrow.
No more printer ink? Borrow other people's printer.
No more paper for writing? Borrow other people's foolscap paper.
You just freaking borrow everything you can, and if you're lucky enough they'll say...
"Just take it."
During this period of time this 3 words will sound better than...
"I love you."
Serious.
Another thing you should do is to keep that thing you borrowed, so that you can use it in the further for a 2nd, 3rd time until your income comes in. So you can return your friend with no bad feelings and no creditability lost.
However, if they do ask it back when your next income haven't come in, you act blur.
"Eh, I TOT I RETURN TO YOU LE MA??"
Remember, you must give the most APOLOGETIC and KIAM PA BLUR FACE you can garner. Like this...
"Huh, I thought I return you already? Remember 2 days ago? I say I put at your table there?"
"Huh?? Lost ar?? Wah can't be... never mind I find with you."
This is called, fucking kiam pa.
And there you have it, the guide to surviving in the depths of poorness. Takahina-style. Follow it well.
No comments:
Post a Comment