Death of a loved one

Miss Lee passed away on the Monday, 12th December 2005.

Someone called me from the hospital, informing me and all of her students of the news. I heard crying sounds from the phone, and that caller is in tears as well.

Called Peiling, whom is a student of Miss Lee's. She knows of it as well. My brother was contacted through sms, but I'm sure that the students will contact him as well.

Strangely, all Peiling and I felt, is just a sense of helplessness and emotionless. We don't feel terribly sad, even though we know we're supposed to, but the feeling is just not there.

Why?

The other time I felt this was when I heard of the news of my auntie, whom passed away in the hospital, due to cancer as well. I obtained the news at 5.30 am, 30mins before I was to wake up and head for my primary school.

During that time, I don't feel much as well. Unknowingly, I can't feel sadness. This time is the same.

Peiling asked me why? Frankly, I can't answer it myself. I don't know how to answer. I can only say, "Maybe it's too sudden? Maybe we can't feel the sadness looming."

I'm glad I went to visit her on Saturday, and then informed Peiling to visit her on that day as well. I really was glad.

I don't know why, but I can't feel anything now. Nothing. I don't feel like listening to music, I don't feel like doing anything now. I don't even feel like talking it out to anyone. But I know I must express out my bewilderment and confusion now. Regardlessly.

Even though I'm not Christian, but may God embrace her with his light. May Miss Lee rest in peace in heaven.




Won't blog for the next week.