Takahina is not a very graceful person, neither am I really polite either. But I know at least I have manners and I am considerate to a certain degree, I won't be that heartless as to see an elderly in front of me and yet still do not know how to offer my seats. At the same time I won't be so naive as to let my seats to every uncles and aunties requesting it. At the same time I'm not so timid that I do not sit in reserved seats.... And please don't be mistaken. Takahina is not seats grabbing although he seats whenever there's a chance to.
The most recent saga in Singapore going on has been about the most polite Ah Lian scolding this auntie in the MRT. I'm not someone to judge who is right or wrong in this case, because from one video it won't be enough to justify what sparks off the quarrel even though it seems VERY obvious who is the one at fault this time.
So to facilitate my understand and your additional knowledge for the local MRT manners, I'll group people into several groups.
Mistake her for a fat lady and she'll bitch slap you.
Group 1: Real elders mostly after late 60s and pregnant ladies. For those ladies who look like you're pregnant but in actual fact you're just fat. Accept it, you're in this group too to avoid embarrassment for yourself. For those who's also handicapped, injured whatsoever, you fall into here too. Parents with kids who are f**king irritating you fall into this category because I respect your tenacity to deal with such a kid. Generally, people who really needs seats fall here.
I'm getting famous on STOMP!
Group 2: Uncles and Aunties around late 40s to early 60s who think they fall under group 1. You people are those shameless type to think that due to your "age" you deserve to be given a seat in MRT. And so you guys will rush to seats available as if it concerns your CPF money getting swallowed by PAP. And because you think you deserve to get a seat, you tend to be really selfish and competitive to the extent you don't offer seats to Group 1 people.
Do not look at me, I'm pretending to be asleep.
Group 3: These are the group of people who obviously have the strength to stand and support themselves. They are young they are strong BUT they are at the same time, actors. They pretend nothing happen and continue to sleep, do their own stuff etc. Although technically these people are not wrong to do their own stuff, but for some reasons Group 2 people hates them to a core and Group 1 people generally don't have a good impression of them.
I'm a fat man, not pregnant.
Group 4: These are the group of people who irregardless of what happens, they refuse to seat in reserved seats and normally they even have a fear of normal MRT seats. Getting them to sit takes some persuasion. These are Group 2's favourite.
Remember me? I'm the polite ah lian. ;)
Group 5: These are the cream of the crop bunch because Takahina belongs here. They are not scared of sitting and they are not ashamed or too shy to offer their seats. To them seats are like economical resources, if it's there and no one is being "allocated" the seat, you go and take the seats - Allocative Efficient. If there are no seats available, they don't go around eyeing for seats because they do not need the seats, it's just a luxury to them. If they are already seated and some Group 1 people arrives, Group 5 will offer them seats because they need it. If Group 2 people arrives and starts eyeing for that seat, Group 5 will not offer them any seats because they'll save it for any Group 1 people that arrives. If any Group 2 wants to get the seats off them, they will have to try relatively hard and get risked being on STOMP.
I USED to work in SMRT. Now I'm just an auntie.
Group 6: They work in MRT.
He lives in the MRT and is furious when others interrupt into his house uninvited.
Group 7: Misc people who simply can't be inserted into any other groups.
Just to let you Group 2 people know 1 thing. GET IT IN YOUR DAMN BRAIN. The seats are not YOUR SEATS. The purpose of putting those seats as "reserved seats" is to say that we Group 3/4/5 will be obliged to give up the seats to you, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE HAVE TO. And indeed, only Group 4 will give you the seats just because they aren't seated at all in the first place.
Just to enlighten you people out there, Takahina is a mix of Group 3 and 5. My criteria of judging people who deserves the seats are strict, so to some people I tend to appear as Group 3, but I judge myself as Group 5.
This is how I do it in the MRT:
1. Enter MRT
2. Take a seat if there is or once there is seats.
3. If there's any Group 1 in the MRT, place bags on seat, leave the seat and offer them the seat.
4. If not, continue sleeping in the seat like a Group 3.
5. Reach station, exit MRT.
Now why did I mention the bag? Simple reason.
Some people, especially the Group 2, due to their competitive nature, they tend to grab any seats once you get up. There were times I saw some Group 5 standing up and going over to the Group 1 to offer their seats, at that exact moment, like some Speedy Gonzales the Group 2 snatched up the seats. Right at this moment, the Group 5 and Group 1 turned around ready to get their seats when BHAM, your freaking seat is GONE!!!!
Imagine the embarrassment on Group 5, the bewilderment on Group 1 and the don't care attitude on Group 2. Of course once Group 2 realizes the situation they will say, "Ohhhhh ohhh, sorry... lai lai take the seat." But of course the Group 1 won't dare to take the seats, Group 1 paiseh to take the seat how do you expect them to take it??
That's why Takahina came up with the CHOPE MRT seats method. You freaking put something there as you get up to offer your seat. This is what happened once when I did it.
1. I placed my bag on the seat, got up to offer this old uncle my seat.
2. Some aunty carrying freaking NTUC bags scattered to my "seat" only to find a bag there. Machiam got terrorist bomb inside. She immediately have the ???? Face.
Daf*q?
3. I noticed the aunty looking around wondering what's going on, but I didn't care much. I asked the Uncle if he wants the seat. He replied...
"No need boy, next stop I getting off le."
I felt an instant "facepalm". Then I walked to my seat, ignoring the Aunty who's now looking at me, with her eyes transmitting the evil intent...
"Give me your seat.... give me your seat.... give me your seat...."
I took my bag, and sat down. Aunty looks at me like the "WTF" face. I just gave her a sian look.
This is my baby face. I'm borned Sian.
The reason for the bag as you see is simple, to act like a stun in MRT, to reserve your seat for either the person you intended to offer, or for yourself back. Because in the MRT, no one likes a Group 2. Even Group 2 hate other Group 2, reason being they will compete for seats like Amazing Race. So to them, every journal is like an Amazing Race; Amazing MRT, Amazing Bus, Amazing Taxi etc.
Someone asked me, what if I'm faced with the situation like the MPAL (Most Polite Ah Lian)? Let's just assume MPAL is Group 5, like me!
................................................................................................................................
EA (Evil Aunty): *stares with evil intent*
Takahina: *leans onto the glass beside the seat with eyes closed to avoid stare, earphone plugs in with music blasting.* (Takahina is an ATS aka All Terrain Sleeper, so in MRT I'm perpetually asleep or at least pretending to be asleep)
EA: Aiyo some man here pretend asleep don't know how to have courtesy and give seats to elderly.
Takahina: *Continues sleeping*
EA: *Keeps hurling shitty and sarcastic words at Takahina*
Takahina: *Sleeps or pretend to be asleep in MRT.*
*MRT reaches stop
Takahina: *Auto-wakes up, walk to exit.*
............................................................................................................................
Due to Takahina's nature of being an ATS, I seldom or rather, never got faced with such situations before. However Takahina knows not all people are ATS, so this is what I recommend.
- Say, "Aunty, I don't know you so old leh. Ok la nvm I give you this seat. PS ah, old people must take care ok?" Then walk away immediately. Most likely she'll take the seat and attempt to scold you, but since you have already walked away far far, you won't hear it so you're not affected, and she'll be regarded as mad since she'll be going on with her rumblings to herself.
- Say, "PS ah Aunty, I didn't know you talking to me. I thought you mumbling to yourself wor." It will make the Aunty look like a full fledged retard. Most Aunty will attempt to scold you back, but just keep trolling her. Importantly you need to keep your cool. She wanna take your pic, you just smile as if you camwhoring. Best.
- Chat with her. Take off your earphones, look at the aunty with a smile and act like a customer service receptionist and talk/reason with her on why she shouldn't get your seat. Be careful not to lose your cool cause customer service CANNOT lose their cool. Explain it nicely like, "I understand your anguish for not being able to get my seat, but sorry this seat is not entitled to you..." If STOMP gets you, you can use that for landing a job in any customer service related positions.
- Push her and make her fall, then post up on facebook, twitter and every social media you can find explaining how mentally ill you are and you're suffering with depression. You will probably get more limelight than you had wanted.
- Say god will forgive her ignorance and say Hallelujah at her face. She will instant diam diam one.
- Say, "Anything, we complain to PAP. Ai mai?? Can submit a letter to MP with us explaining our situation. Until they say I MUST let you have my seat, I'm not letting you sit. I'm innocent until proven guilty. Get your lawyer if you want.
- Take your phone and record her scolding you. Say, "Aunty, please keep scolding. I posting this on STOMP.... No wait I posted liao." She will stunned. Don't let go of your phone and keep filming for SOCIAL MEDIA ROCKS.
But seriously, there will be f**ked up situations in MRT and in fact virtually all locations in the world. Sometimes you're lucky, sometimes you're unlucky. Just keep your cool and do as you believe in, ignore what the whole world says. Most of the time the saga will pass with time.
As long as you're right, or Takahina says you're right. You are right.
PS: You may notice a lot of pics are from STOMP. Yup I pirated them off and I don't give them credit for it.
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