She's kinda here for the 3rd time I guess? I ever since I know her or something, every year she's in here, every year for kinda either the same, or for different reasons.
Miss Tan Shuqin, or Mrs... (I don't know her husband's surname)
Yup, she's married. Or engaged to be specific.
To answer the question on most people's mind who read the blog, what is she on my mind now?
She's definitely not my girlfriend.
She's definitely not my wife.
I will call her... 最收悉的陌生人。
Reason being, I'm holding a "put her away unless neccesary" policy. I don't pick up her calls whatsoever unless really needed. This is needed cause unless I do say, I dare bet the strings between me and her can't be broke, and she can't be a married lady if so.
I can't totally ignore her, cause if I do so, her trump card of committing suicide will pop up and I'll be totally screwed in that case, which I don't want to happen. Be it she's kidding, or not kidding, or half serious half boiled I have no idea, that thing in the slightest sense, cannot happen.
So why is she in the list this time round again?
Well, I have no idea. All I know is that during this year round, 25% of my troubles come from her, even school doesn't give me so much problems. That itself is influential.
It made me realized 1 thing about myself. Some feelings about me which I didn't want to admit. Somethings which I either had, or hadn't told anyone about.
There's still something between me and her, this very weird relationship which I don't want to tell her. This year I had an "official" relationship with her in which I declared that I have a girlfriend. In the past I didn't say it, but during that time I did and everyone knew, including my parents.
I don't know I'm being noble to her or not, neither do I know whether she gets me or not, but she has to understand that my intentions for her were never out of malice. She spends a huge amount of time in my mind, perhaps even more so than the number 1 in 2008 now.
So my hope for her is that she gets happiness and lives a happy life, something which I can't promise her now currently.
She could also be the reason now that I don't feel like getting into a relationship just yet.
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2nd on the list:
The band "Child's Play".
However if I wanna tone down specifically... it's...
Edwin Toh
Child's play is a milestone for me as I was first time, a leader. I may or may not be a good leader, that leaves to be answered by everyone in the group, which I think Haze will CONFIRM answer negatively, but other than that I hope I did a good job of it.
It made me understand, the ropes, and the ways in which a band should be managed and led. I believe these skills will lead me down continuously as I continue my life on, with my own business, with my own family, with my own life. And with Child's Play being somewhat a "serious" band as I initially planned, and it's downfall with the gradual dismissal of it after the only gig done by us, I realized the fragile nature of being in a team itself, and the commitment really needed by everyone, with the same dreams, for a team to progress forward.
Main lessons to learn for a band: To have the same commitment, to have the same goals, to understand the band's route and nature.
It doesn't matter what's your influence, what you know, how well you know it (well of course you need a basic knowledge of your own musical instruments), as long as the band is united, things can flow.
Then with Child's Play, I get Edwin as my keyboardist in a very lucky nature. It's thanks to Soft I get it.
Be it fate that I studied in the same primary school and in the same class as him, or we managed to click so well together in the band and personally, I'm grateful to him in many ways.
Firstly, Edwin is the one who managed to make the band work and function so well. His musical talents are vital to the band as I have always said before, and seriously he is the best keyboardist I have ever seen currently. And since he is 21, freaking young, I believe his road in life will be even more impressive and fruitful.
Secondly, Edwin sparked back my musical dreams. I got pretty occupied with work and stuff, and neglected my music dreams. He brought it back, when I work with him, I feel really happy, relaxed and at the same time creative. Musically, he helped me improved. In the past I was stuck in my drumming skills, whereby I didn't felt like jamming was improving me whatsoever, Edwin's playstyle and creativity in his music made me come back to the time whereby playing drums was fun. And playing with Child's Play in a whole made me really excited and perked. Unlike playing with EvE or any other bands I had been with, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Child's Play.
Thirdly, Edwin being a budding musician, had a lot of contacts with him in the music industry. In a sense he was my lobang, whenever he needed a drummer, I would be in his contact list. I'm very honoured to say the least, because frankly although I won't say I'm a lousy drummer, there are tons of drummers out there better than me and I'm sure he knows some of them. However, he would use me for his music projects and gigs. In a sense, it made me feel hopeful, hopeful that I can be a musician on a similar caliber as him, and on a professional basis. I've learnt alot from the many sessions/recordings I had with him, and I cherish it.
Fourth, Edwin had a musical dream, and it influenced me. To set up a music industry in Singapore for budding talents, for youths, to manage them, to nurture them into the mainstream/music industry.
I did say before, that I wanted to be a successful business man. In what manner I do not know. In a sense you could say it's a dream which had no proper idea yet. But now I do have, and it's for the music industry. A talent/music management agency To nurture and develop this obscure industry in Singapore, and develop out the talents who failed to nurture their true potential. Be it this is for Singapore, for myself, or for anyone. I had a sense of belonging and I knew instantly,
"This is the final route and ending point which I know I want to reach."
I don't dare to have any lofty dreams, but for once I know, this is a dream I will want to fulfill.
And Edwin is the one who dawned on me, and exploded this feeling of dreams within me.
That's why he's number 2 on this list. And I doubt he'll ever know the effect he had caused on me. Perhaps both he and me, will work again in the future professionally. Who knows?
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Number 1 will be on the next post. :)
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